Blessings from Work and Wholesome Recreational Activities

Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Hawkins, Dollahite and Draper 2012. Ch. 21 The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work by Bahr, Manwaring, Loveless and Bahr. Ch. 22 Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families, Widmer & Taniguchi

 

         The blessings that come from a family working and playing together cannot be underestimated. Our family’s greatest joys came from working and playing together. Working together can be compared to being on a sports team. Every person is needed and appreciated to get the job done. Even though everyone’s skills and abilities may vary a little bit, each person makes an important contribution. Gordon B. Hinckley listed families working together as one of four things that could “in a generation or two” turn society’s “moral values” around. One of the reasons that work brings so many blessings to a family is because it allows each person to fill another’s needs, it teaches us to love and serve one another, rather than just be focused on oneself. When children work side by side with their parents, it builds a foundation of caring and strengthens bonds. Performing relatively mundane tasks together, like preparing dinner, fosters unity. Elder Russell M. Nelson said: “The home is the great laboratory of love. There the raw chemicals of selfishness and greed are melded in the crucible of cooperation to yield compassionate concern and love for one another.

      Wholesome recreation can be met in a variety of ways.  Our free time should be used wisely and seen as an opportunity to promote growth and strengthen families. The best activities are planned with a purpose. Sometimes that purpose might be to strengthen the family and foster memories. Other times, the activity might be to stretch the individuals, by challenging them with something new.  Too much leisure time today is being spent on entertainment from iPod, tweets and Facebook. As a result, families are spending less and less time together. Another danger is ‘overscheduling’ our children with too much involvement in sports, and extracurricular activities. Too many of these ‘individual’ activities will take away from opportunities to bond as a family. We should also be careful not to engage in too many ‘escapist’ type activities, such as watching TV and surfing the web. Research has shown that adolescents who identify healthy identities by engaging in challenging outdoor activities such as rock climbing, backpacking or fishing are less likely to engage in delinquent behaviors. Parent child connections are fostered when

Repentance and Forgiveness

(Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, Hawkins, Dollahite, Draper 2012. Chapter 20: Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life, Elaine Walton and Hilary M. Hendricks)

In the proclamation, repentance and forgiveness are two of the principles that are listed as necessary for successful families. It would be nearly impossible for any of us to strengthen our relationships and become better, without learning how to repent and forgive. President David O’McKay stated that no “principal or ordinance of the gospel is more essential to the salvation of the human family than the divine and eternally operative principle of repentance.” In addition, it would make sense that if we were going to repent and ask our Heavenly Father for forgiveness, it would be necessary for us to be able to forgive others as well. Walton and Hendricks give some specific steps to repentance and forgiveness. 

True repentance is a very humbling experience.

First, one must recognize the sin. We have to be able to acknowledge that we did something wrong.

Second, we need to feel sorrow for the offense. In the scriptures, when we come before God, it should be with a ‘broken heart and contrite spirit”.

Third, we need to forsake the sin and promise not to do it again. We need to  have a determination to not commit the offense again.

Fourth, confess. We need confess our sins and wrongdoings to the Lord, and if necessary, when the offense might affect our standing in the Church to the proper authority.

Fifth, make restitution. This would require us to make right any wrong that we have done.

If we are sincere in the process of repentance, it will bring about a change in us that will bring us closer to God. In a family, we can go through the same process with those that we knowingly injure or offend. When we are unkind to a spouse or sibling, we can recognize the offense, feel sorrowful, apologize and promise not to hurt them in that way again.

There are steps to forgiveness as well.

First, recall the hurt. This can be difficult when we want to put the pain of the offense behind us. But, it is important to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury.

Second, empathize. We need to be able to understand where the transgressor was coming from when they knowingly committed the offense.  What may this person have been feeling when they reacted the way they did?

Third, offer the gift of forgiveness. This is easier when the offender is humbled by an awareness of their shortcoming and is grateful for the occasions when they are forgiven.

Fourth, commit publicly to forgive. Even when we want to forgive someone, it is easy to recall the offense and be hurt again. When we publicly and verbally acknowledge to others (friend or counselor) that we are committed to forgiveness, it will be easier for us to do so.

Fifth, hold on to forgiveness. This is necessary to move on, and not get bogged down by recalling the event. When we truly forgive someone, there is no place for grudges or paybacks. It may even be necessary to deliberately stop unwanted thoughts and replace them with something more meaningful and helpful.

Sincere repentance and forgiveness are great blessings that allow us to have greater compassion for each other and gain greater restraints over our actions. These are both possible with the help of Jesus Christ through the atonement. When we experience true repentance and forgiveness, we start to get a glimpse of just how much our Heavenly Father loves us.

Parenting Principles

(Successful Marriages and Families Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, Hawkins, Dollahite & Draper (2012). Ch. 10 Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude: Proclamation Principles and Supportive Scholarship, Hart, Newell & Haupt)

In the proclamation it states that “parents should rear their children in love and righteousness”. Certainly becoming a parent is a great responsibility and it would be impossible to provide a handbook that would cover every situation for every unique child. But, there are proven principles that work in child rearing.

The first thing to remember, is that every child is unique. Each child brings with them a specific set of traits with a unique personality. No two children will respond the same to any circumstances. Thus, it becomes very important for a parent to seek inspiration for each child. Some children may have tendencies toward shyness or impulsiveness, some could have problems stemming from psychiatric disorders. President James E. Faust observed, “Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another.” The Greatest Challenge in the World Wise parents will work to adjust their parenting style to the individual needs of the child.

There are a few different parenting styles, including permissive parenting, which includes overindulging the child or neglecting them by leaving them to figure things out on their own. With this style, it is very probable that the parents will neglect to provide the guidance and constraint that is good for a child. The coercive parent is one that will deride, demean and continually put a child down by mocking them or holding power over them. In these homes, there is often frequent yelling, spanking, criticizing and forcing. This kind of climate is linked to anti-social and delinquent behaviors in children.

In contrast, the parenting style that is most consistent with the proclamation principles and which research has shown to increase the probability of positive child behaviors is authoritative style parenting. There are three characteristics of authoritative parenting, love, limits and latitude.

First, love. Brigham Young counseled, “Kind looks, kind actions, kind words, and a lovely, holy deportment toward them will bind our children to us with bands that cannot easily be broken; while abuse and unkindness will drive them from us.”

President Ezra Taft Benson also counseled parents, “Take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, plan with them, cry with them, hug them, and honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unrushed one-on-one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children.”To Mothers in Zion

Second, limits. When we put limits on our children, we are teaching them how to regulate their own behavior. Often determining how and when to tighten or loosen the strings, will take much inspiration and effort. It is important to have clear and firm rules and expectations for your child. When the rules are violated, there should be pre-established consequences that fit the behavior. By generously communicating approval for good behavior the child will learn how to regulate their own behavior.

Third, latitude. It is important for children to be given choices at appropriate times so that they can learn how to make their own decisions. Elder M. Russell Ballard taught, “Helping children learn how to make decisions requires a measure of autonomy, dependent on the age and maturity of the child and the situation at hand. Parents need to give children choices and should be prepared to appropriately adjust some rules, thus preparing children for real-world situations.” Sacred Responsibilities of Parenthood Research has shown that children have more respect for their parents when there is a degree of trust given to the child in letting them share in the decisions that are made. These positive interactions between parent and child will build a strong relationship.

When children become teenagers, it can sometimes be very difficult for a parent to trust their child with latitude when it comes to making choices. Elder Robert D. Hales counseled, “Act with faith; don’t react with fear. When our teenagers begin testing family values, parents need to go to the Lord for guidance on the specific needs of each family member. This is the time for added love and support and to reinforce your teachings on how to make choices. It is frightening to allow our children to learn from the mistakes they may make, but their willingness to choose the Lord’s way and family values is greater when the choice comes from within than when we attempt to force those values upon them. The Lord’s way of love and acceptance is better than Satan’s way of force and coercion, especially in rearing teenagers.”Strengthening Families our Sacred Duty